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I wrote this across an ocean. by ~Nemo-Outis:iconNemo-Outis:



In China, sand is parchment
and that night my hand was a quill
you wrote "I love you" with my finger,
and baby...that kills.

Don't take this the wrong way
I know that isn't what you meant.
This is to inform you, that after all you taught me,
I couldn't learn to forget.

And after all you gave me
I still feel the loss
when you waved goodbye to me
did you know how much it cost?

I'm a dog
who's master's left,
but still wears the chain
and though you never claimed me
I still feel the pain.

Now the parchments burning
and the lilies fade,
and behind the curtain of waves
two characters remain:

忘記

But rest assured they have no power
and that you'll live on,
as the loneliness of each cigarette
and as the girl in every song.  
©2007-2009 ~Nemo-Outis
:iconnemo-outis:

Author's Comments

Yeah this was written one lonely night in Shenzen, China. Many thanks to my brother Gui for providing the paper and the pen (nice fountain one too!) it helped to get a lot of things out.
This is my first submission in a very long time, so I hope at least a few of you will look at this and give me some of that awesome feedback I've learned to depend on.

Comments


love 1 1 joy 1 1 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconliquidsadness:
I like the way you tied all of it together. I assume that the characters mean "I love you". I like how you switched the words around. (ex: After all you gave me, I still feel the loss etc.)

This is very beautiful, I enjoyed reading it.
:iconnemo-outis:
Actually the characters are "forget"
but perhaps your choice would have been a better one. Thank you for the comment!

--
Regards,
Nemo_Outis
:icondarkelvenmage:
I'm afraid I'm no good at giving critique. >.< I think this is beautiful. I love it.
:iconsolbhonjai:
Bitching title,lovely poem Dave.
I wonder if you have any more stuffed somewhere in your bag written on napkins and small bits of toilet paper.

Anyways,yeah I can see 3 pictures that would work for this submission. Why not put the beach one (it's your only one) for the picture to this poem?


Yeah I am going to fav this I am loving this one too much

--
Love peace and chicken grease
~Sol the trance tiger goddess =^_^=

Main Commissions OPEN :: Unlimited Sketch Commissions OPEN $10-18 check out journal for more info
:iconnemo-outis:
I'm glad that you do. It means a great deal to me, since I haven't written in a while. Feel free to visit as often as you wish.

--
Regards,
Nemo_Outis
:iconnm-raven:
Beautifully written, I really enjoyed your poem :D

--
Need a CORSET?
[link]
CUSTOM CORSETS BY JANE!

"You're the kid who likes to skip his beets at dinner, but in music you can't skip your beats!" - Mazz
:iconnemo-outis:
Thank you very much.

--
Regards,
Nemo_Outis
:iconnm-raven:
You're very welcome :D

--
Need a CORSET?
[link]
CUSTOM CORSETS BY JANE!

"You're the kid who likes to skip his beets at dinner, but in music you can't skip your beats!" - Mazz
:iconthevanitymirror:
Oh, it's simply wonderful. I love the lines like, "sand is parchment" and "and that night my hand was a quill". It's fantastic, how you use inanimate objects as things we commonly use. It's a new perspective (of sorts), and I myself am I fan of writing like that (sometimes).

I really enjoyed your poem. And since I'm Chinese, all the more I enjoy how you used the Chinese characters.

Brilliant (:

--
look into the mirror
look closely and you will see
all the things imaginable
those things you would never be

Details

August 11, 2007
1.1 KB

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